http://thelittersitter.com/blog/top-3-vaccine-myths/ Dress β Rotate Birger Christensen via Rotaro (Gifted experience)
Bad Driburg Shoes β Wallis (Gift)
Bag β Next (Gift-Sold Out)
As I type up this post on a Friday afternoon in my new (home) office, I realise that I’ve completed my first week being officially self-employed… firstly, what the hell? *plus lots of other overwhelming feelings* and where has the time gone please?? Between being made redundant and finally making the decision to work for myself, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions this 2020. But where one door closes, another one opens and I’m ready, scared but really excited to step into my purpose and start this new chapter in my life.
I’ve let it be known that I’ve struggled massively with jobs in the past. I seemed to of had a string of bad luck and became accustomed to boredom, isolation and office-bullying. I left one job because of bullying, to go to another and experience a boss from hell and leave after only five months. Then on to the next one where I was pretty much left to my own devices and it felt isolating and lonely as hell. However, things were different with my my last job… after finally finding my feet in a job that I loved with the coolest colleagues you could ask for, I unexpectedly had the rug pulled from beneath my settled feet and was made redundant two weeks into January.
My feelings of redundancy hit me in what seemed to be ‘stages of grief’ – feeling like a failure, ashamed and upset for being in a vulnerable position in my job, once again. Looking back at it now, I’m grateful and really lucky that I was given the time to process the news and figure out my next plan of action. I had until the end of February to either find something else or decide whether to make me, my brand and what I have to offer a full time gig.
Well, as you can guess from the title of the blog post, I did decide to take that leap of faith. It wasn’t a decision I took lightly… there was a lot of back and forth (mainly with my head an heart). But after thinking about what it was I really wanted to do with my life, my passions and what makes me happy, no job was currently offering it. I imagined life having more time to put into me and my online platform. I saw a confident girl who believed in her sauce aka skills and knew deep down that this could really be something if I just gave myself a chance! They say the hardest decision is actually doing it… well, I did it and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
My first week working from home was a weird one to be honest. Monday morning came and I. Was. Overwhelmed.
What do I do first? Where do I work? What’s my structure? Shit, I don’t have one. OK, let me calm my nerves with a bit of Netflix… there’s no structure in the world of ‘Love is Blind’ after all. This is when the self-doubt and panic crept in… I couldn’t stop thinking about how I made a terrible decision. Why did I think I had the self-discipline to do this? Why did I think I had the ability to self-motivate? Do I actually have the skills to earn what was my pay cheque and then some? Like sis, what is even your plan?
Now, for full transparency these feelings definitely haven’t just disappeared after a week. It’s been a constant battle in the mornings (and at night) not to completely psyche myself out. I convince myself that I’ve made a huge mistake and that there’s no way I can do this… Truth is, I just needed a routine. A purpose – however big or small.
Thanks to Pete I have a new (home) office which used to be our double spare room. It’s so much bigger than the old office room and instead of it being at the back of the house my new office is at the front. So it gets ALL of the light. A game-changer really. To keep the anxiety at bay I’ve been getting up early and going to the gym before I start my day. This gets me up and out the house, early doors which is really helping to set structure to my day. Not only does it force me to get out of the house but it forces me move my body, clear my mind and most importantly shower. Sounds gross but for me it was too easy to chill in my pjs until midday.
When I get back from the gym, I fill up my Keepcup with a sweet, oat milk latte and take Cooper for his morning walk. Once I’m back I like to set myself up in my office with a hearty breakfast, Alexa and my laptop. When it comes to structuring my day, I am a to-do list lover. I love nothing more than ticking off a checklist to satisfy my admin needs. I’ve also adopted Sophie Milner’s ‘Power Hour’ technique – you can read her post ‘working smarter not harder’ here. It’s an incredibly motivating post and really helping me find my way in this new freelance world.
More importantly though, I’m learning not to be so hard on myself. It’s a BIG change, everything is new and it’s OK for me to take time to find my rhythm. It’s not going to magically come to me in my first week of doing this. Everyone is also different… there is no right or wrong! Some days I wake up early and am super productive. Some days I sleep in because my body needs it. And other days I need to disconnect, read and see family to gain back motivation/inspiration. What could work for me may not work for someone else.
Do I worry about how being alone frequently will effect my mental health? Yep. Do I know if being self-employed will suit me in the long run? Nope. Will the Corona Virus get off our necks and let us finally enjoy 2020? Who knows. But that’s the beauty of life isn’t it…
Safety and certainty aren’t so comforting when their maintenance requires the quieting of a deeper calling; Quote by Hayley Nahman from ‘The End of an Era’ on Manrepeller.
No one knows what the future will hold. It’s important to make the right decision for you and trust. your. gut. I’m excited to see what the future brings, whatever and wherever that may be…
Lotsa love,
