It’s July 2020. It’s been seven months since I got up for work in the city to then come back home two hours later in tears after being made redundant. Seems like a life time ago now really. So much has happened since then it’s hard to even believe we’re still in the same year. I guess you could say 2020 has felt like the sequel to Inception. Stuck in a dream state/limbo with Cob where five minutes in real life gives you one hour in a dream and so on and so on. But I’m not here to talk to you about one of my favourites films (but seriously how good is that film?). No, I’m here to talk about what life has been like since making the decision to go self-employed in the midst of a global pandemic.
It’s been a wild ride to say the least… but I’m grateful for the perspective it’s given me during a very dark and uncertain time and whether I expected it to or not, it taught me a hell of a lot about myself…
is it legal to order Clomiphene online Acknowledge your feelings & put yourself first
Despite being incredibly nervous and scared about going full-time at the beginning of March, I was so excited. It’s a strange feeling flitting from intense thoughts of self-doubt to having no doubt in my mind that I was making the right decision going self-employed. I had a new (home) office, work lined up, money coming in and a job that didn’t feel like a job because I truly love what I do. BTW I would see people write this and either be flooded with envy or think ‘what a crock of shit’ – but here we are. It’s the truth.
However just weeks into self-employment life, COVID-19 completely changed our lives and excitement was replaced with panic, fear, sadness, frustration and loneliness. All of my upcoming jobs had been cancelled and I fell into quite a dark space. At the beginning of lockdown I spent most of my days in bed, mindlessly scrolling Instagram, comparing myself, my work and generally feeling very shit. I felt like I had no direction, nothing to say or to offer. Zero purpose or value.
It wasn’t until I accepted that I had no control over my situation that I noticed a shift. I expected perfectionism from myself and it was draining. I needed time to process and just feel all my feelings. I turned off my Whatsapp notifications and came out of chat groups that either weren’t serving me or made me feel low and anxious. Unfollowed or muted accounts that made me feel crap and questioned my worth. where to order prednisone online I craved self-care. I needed to focus on me. What do I want? What makes me happy? I learned that I need to give myself time to process my emotions. And also to stop torturing myself in the mornings, stop looking at what everyone else is doing and focus on what I want to do.
Create opportunities for yourself
Who knew it would take all of my jobs being cancelled to realise how much I value being fulfilled and having purpose. Wanting to be more than just an online clothes horse providing endless swipe ups… I have more to say and even more to give than just fashion. I want to share my self-discovery journey. Everything from building up my confidence after suffering from racism, overt racism and office-bullying. My journey with self love, acceptance and body neutrality. Career chat for women who also want to find their purpose after quitting awful jobs or being made redundant. I want to empower, inspire and encourage women to embrace every single part of themselves. Confidence from the inside out.
I learned that opportunities aren’t just going to fall in my lap. I need to have the confidence to go out and get them myself. That means building a community and not being scared to put myself and my skills out there more. Because of this, I’ve had my most successful month (money and opportunities wise) in my blogging career yet.
Believe & invest in yourself
If lockdown has taught me anything, it’s that I need to continue to push past imposter syndrome and believe in myself. To stop self-sabotaging and convincing myself I can’t do something before I’ve even tried.
Imposter syndrome and confidence is something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. It’s paralysing and guilt-ridden. It convinces me that I’m invisible and that no-one cares what I have to say or what I do. But none of this is true. And it took lockdown to make me finally do something about it.
I decided to reach out to Tiwalola – a confidence coach at Confident and Killing It. Whether you need help with your business, knowing your worth or believing in yourself, Tiwalola knows what’s up. I can’t wait to work with her on becoming more confident and unapologetic in my life and business decisions. And I’m so glad that I invested in her and myself.
Know your worth
I read this quote on Twitter and I think about it daily:
There will ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t know your worth; don’t let it be you.
Lockdown has taken me (and I’m sure I’ not the only one) on a real personal-development journey. I’ve had to sit with a lot of uncomfortable feelings about friendships, relationships and my work/life balance…
I learned that when you know your worth and what you bring to the table, you realise people don’t deserve your energy like they think they do. I reserve it for those who can fully reciprocate and that’s it. I no longer feel the need to say yes to everything or take the first offer just because I’m grateful to have the opportunity or to just be in the room.
So take this as your daily reminder to know your worth and then add tax ,interest and a down payment. And finally, a PSA to brands: I don’t work for free.
